When Hell Freezes Over
by Dragon Silhouette
Summary: Matsumoto Rangiku will do anything to get her sake back. [Sort of companion piece to That Fiasco With The Eleventh Division]


**So, this came to me while I was watching the hockey game (I have no idea what Bleach has to do with hockey, but I'm Canadian, so...) I couldn't help but write this chapter. I should be working on my other stories, but I'm really bad at resisting urges...**

**Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo -the universe really hates me.**

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**When Hell Freezes Over**

Third-Seat Matsumoto Rangiku looked down at the evil pile of paperwork in dismay. She shifted into an upright position on the couch. "But, Captain..."

"No buts, Matsumoto," Captain Kurosaki Isshin said sternly. He didn't look up from his own pile of paperwork.

She turned to the lieutenant working at his own desk. "Help me out here."

"No," Lieutenant Hitsugaya Toushirou said curtly. "Do your own paperwork for once."

She dropped the pile of paperwork on the floor. "Oops. I better clean this up." She slowly picked up one piece of document, then gingerly placed it back on the couch. "One down, a few hundred to go..."

Hitsugaya glared at her.

"I allergic to paperwork!" she whined.

Her two superiors ignored her claim.

"I have an SWA meeting."

"Too bad," Kurosaki said.

"I need to attend my granny's funeral!"

"Soul Society does not have funerals," Hitsugaya stated.

"... She's human?"

"You're really grasping at straws," Kurosaki noted.

Matsumoto slumped and started making an origami crane from one of the documents. "I don't like doing paperwork."

"Ever since that fiasco with the Eleventh division, the Commander has been sending us extra paperwork," Hitsugaya said calmly. "If we are to get this done on time, you actually need to do your share of the load."

"Can't you do mine?" she pleaded desperately. "You've always done mine, and you still finished on time!"

"No."

Matsumoto made out the slight tightening on her lieutenant's lips, and knew that he wouldn't yield. "Fine... Can I at least have some sake?"

"Matsumoto, you can't complete the paperwork while drunk," Kurosaki said. "It's just not done."

"Captain Kyouraku does it," she pointed out.

"He's weird."

"I'm weird, too."

"Not as weird as him. Just do your work."

With a sinking heart, she heard the note of finality on her captain's tone. She settled back on the couch and read the first five words of a document. _Hollow attacks in Karakura Town..._ Her eyes immediately glazed over. Stifling a sigh, she discreetly reached down and pawed the space under the couch.

Her blood ran cold.

She patted the space, feeling for the familiar smoothness and curves of her secret stash of sake. Nothing.

"No sake until you finished your paperwork," Kurosaki said nonchalantly.

Her eyes widened. "Hell..." She stomped over to his desk and slammed her hands on the tabletop. "Where. Did. You. Put. My. _Sake?_"

Kurosaki met her furious gaze steadily. "Not under the couch."

"Give it back!"

"When hell freezes over!" he shot back.

Matsumoto was about to yell at her captain (consequences be damned) when a light-bulb appeared over her head.

Kurosaki looked at the ominous light-bulb warily. He had enough experience to know that when the aforementioned light-bulb appears over his third-seat's head, something bad and utterly bizarre courtesy of Matsumoto Rangiku will happen.

_I can work with that,_ Matsumoto thought excitedly as a plan formed in her mind. Without another word, she turned back to her paperwork and started searching for a particular document.

Hitsugaya and Kurosaki exchanged a look, telling each other to be careful.

Matsumoto grinned mischievously as she found her document and read it over. She signed it with a black pen and sang out cheerily, "Oh, captain ~"

Kurosaki glanced at her suspiciously. "Yes?"

"Hollow cleansing. Karakura Town."

"Now?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "You, me and Lieutenant!" She didn't mention that there were only weak hollows infesting the area; hardly enough trouble to bother a captain and lieutenant.

Hitsugaya looked longingly at his zanpakuto. "It's been a while since we've been out in the Human World..."

Kurosaki had similar thoughts. "It'll be good practice." He rose from his chair and grabbed his zanpakuto. "Fine, we'll go."

Matsumoto squealed. "Yes, Captain!"

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Matsumoto, Kurosaki, and Hitsugaya stepped onto the roof of a high school.

Matsumoto closed her eyes and concentrated. "There's one east from our position."

They headed that way and found a large, boar-like hollow with tusks jutting out of its head. It roared, and charged at them when they approached.

Kurosaki frowned. A second later, he appeared behind the hollow, zanpakuto drawn and blood dripping off its blade. The hollow let out one last roar before it disappeared in fragments of black light.

"Not exactly difficult," Hitsugaya observed. "Why do we need a captain and a lieutenant?"

Matsumoto thought quickly. "Um, because that wasn't our target." She saw another hollow jumping at them from above. "Over there!"

Hitsugaya jumped and slashed at the frog-like hollow, cleansing it in one strike.

Matsumoto cursed. This wasn't turning out as planned.

A small, broad hollow came from around a corner and ran at them. Matsumoto held out her zanpakuto and cut the hollow in two. _Please... be bad..._

Finally, the Gates of Hell materialized from the energy of the defeated hollow. The unsettling skeletons on the gate pulled the giant doors partially open. A large, scary creature skewered the evil soul and started dragging it into Hell.

"Hold up!" Matsumoto cried. _Here goes!_ She grabbed a startled Hitsugaya around the waist and _threw him in Hell._

"Matsumoto!" Kurosaki yelled in disbelief. He heard Hitsugaya echo his cry from the depths of Hell.

Suddenly, they felt a huge burst of livid, icy reiatsu.

The creature paused, and even the hollow stopped struggling for a moment.

Frost started creeping up on the sides of the doors, encasing the skeletons in a thin sheet of ice.

Matsumoto peeked inside the gates and smiled in satisfaction.

Hell has frozen over.

A pissed-off Hitsugaya Toushirou stood in the middle of the winter wonderland, radiating a cold and dangerous aura.

Matsumoto turned to her horrified captain, a smirk adorning her beautiful face. "Okay, hell's frozen, give me back my sake."

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**Hope you enjoyed that...**


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